Assignment #1

As I began creating my reflection, I felt confident and capable as I have always valued transparency, openly sharing my lived experiences, the missteps that shaped me, and the goals that continue to guide my growth. I embrace storytelling as a leadership practice because it honors the human experience, centering emotion and connection above rigid colonial systems. In my experience, storytelling has opened space for vulnerability, authenticity, and learning; when voices go unheard, essential context is lost and person-centered care cannot truly exist. As such, the beginning stages of this assignment felt simple.

Coincidentally, my annual performance review at work took place during this time. I felt prepared and grounded, as I had outlined many of the same strengths, areas of growth, and future goals reflected in this assignment. I was excited to see my learning align so seamlessly with my current practice and hopeful about introducing innovative ideas that could strengthen my organization’s approach to diversity, cultural competency, and communication. However, I was met with unexpected resistance. The feedback acknowledged my shift toward a more relational, collectivist leadership approach, but emphasized this as a concern. I was told that my leadership style was negatively impacting operational priorities related to contractual obligations and finances. The annual review board cautioned me that I was not hired to be a change-maker, but rather to ensure contractual targets are being met and staff are exceeding the funders expectations.

This moment felt heavy and created an emotional dissonance between the leader I am becoming and the systems I am navigating.

As I sat there, I couldn’t ignore the backhanded compliments and the conflicting messages being delivered. I vividly remember thinking, I literally wrote about this in my paper. In that reflection, I shared that growing up, "I was encouraged to stand up for myself but was punished when I stood my ground; directed to protect the vulnerable but was then labelled aggressive; told to be honest, but my feelings were disregarded; and asked to be a leader but told to follow the crowd." It felt far too familiar and evoked a visceral response.

At the end of the review, I was asked to sign a document which outlined a work plan for the year ahead; commitments designed by the panelists based on their expectations of me.  In that moment, I knew I had to make a choice. I could remain complicit in an attempt to protect my inner child from further turbulence, or I could reject their bureaucracy and choose to disrupt the very systems that continue to perpetuate harm.

As I stared at the dotted line, I thought about what I wrote in my paper. I reflected on the part where I said "although I am assertive and confident, deep-rooted trauma can surface when I am in the presence of authority. I can second guess myself and become quite timid." I reminded myself that I committed to "sitting in my discomfort but not allowing it to silence me."

Eventually, I pushed the piece of paper away from me and said "no."

I shared that I genuinely love my job and the people we serve, and it is precisely because of that love that I refuse to be performative for the sake of ticking boxes. I explained that my commitment runs deeper than surface-level compliance; I am not willing to stifle my values just to satisfy optics when real, meaningful change is needed.